The visionary lies to himself

p-ardiselost:

"My boyfriend/girlfriend won’t let me"
Excuse me
What was that?
LET ?
YOU ¿ 
How lovely congratulations on your 3rd parental guardian

In 60 years
grandchild: grandma why are you so bitter??
me: *takes a swig of vodka*
me: *lights up cuban cigar*
me: *gazes out the window*
me: my otp will never be canon
*roll credits*

rodham-clinton:

really all you need to know about the american health care system is that there’s a popular tv series where a man turns to cooking industrial quantities of crystal meth in order to pay his hospital bills

precumming:

me playing my 3ds

image

merylstreeptease:

i bet dermatologists hate him

krisbuscus:

bandsdidyoumeanlife:

bandsdidyoumeanlife:

If an intruder ever comes to fucking murder you. You throw your mother fucking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever fuck around with you if you did that.

STOP REBLOGGING THIS PLEASE ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFFFEEE

lilgremlingirl:

are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch